Essay on "Recovery Mini Journey"

Essay 6 pages (2346 words) Sources: 13

[EXCERPT] . . . .

Personal Recovery Journey

Recovery for some people who have struggled with mental health issues means something entirely different from what my recovery entails. In fact I haven't fully recovered because I'm still coming to terms (trying to) with my anxiety and frustration over not being able to speak confidently in all situations. But my situation pales in comparison with someone who had, say, a psychotic episode like schizophrenia. Still, for me this has been an oftentimes depressing journey and as of now, I am hopeful but I am still on the road to full recovery.

Unlike "C Chu," who was diagnosed with schizophrenia, I have not been prescribed "…suitable medicine" because my problem did not "…make me unable to think properly" (Hong Kong Journal of Psychiatry, 2008). In fact I think very clearly, it's just that I have serious problems with social interaction. My "medicine" is self-help and support.

Indeed, my personal curse is not nearly as severe or disabling as C. Chu; it is just that I am painfully shy and I find it terribly difficult to speak to a stranger. In fact I have this terrible dread and fear when I approach a person I do not know -- even to ask short, simple directions -- that the person will find me a pathetically uninteresting person. It sometimes is so intense that I actually feel physically ill. So you can see, I do suffer, although much of the time I am grounded in my nursing studies which have had a definite positive impact on my recovery.

My story began at the age of twelve; I was in a terrible car wreck and my upper front teeth were broken out. I had to live with that embarrassing -- and emotionally disabling -- situation until I turned 16. At that age they fitted me with dentures, but because I had trained myself not to smile, and had developed a habit of covering my mouth when I spoke to others, I was a weird-o in the eyes of my peers. I was picked on and bullied at school. Psychologically it was devastating to not only be too shy to speak to strangers but to be bullied and harassed because I was different.

Even though I notice positive changes in my approach to other people -- I am a bit more confident and talkative -- the shyness has never gone away for me. I truly need to improve in substantial ways because I am an adult with two teenage sons today. Moreover, I am committed to getting my license to work as an RN and in order to be able to have dialogue with my patients -- and be able to communicate effectively without this dread -- I need to improve drastically. I have found -- in my recovery plan -- a person who is now my supporter, and she has been a huge help to me.

An article in the Journal of Mental Health (Repper, et al., 2011) points out that "…peer support workers have the potential to drive through recovery-focused changes," and also peer support workers have the potential to empower a person that is struggling with emotional or mental health issues. "Consistent engagement in peer support increased stability in work, education, and training," Repper explains. This kind of peer support -- very much like my support person has provided me with -- helps keep me from "…social isolation…one of the most significant challenges faced by individuals with mental health problems" (Repper, 396).

I have spent many hours praying that I will be able to just walk up to a total stranger and launch into a meaningful conversation. But my status as a struggling consumer hasn't really changed much although if I take deep breaths, I feel very sure of myself until I attempt to make contact with another person I don't know, and that sense of confidence and that rising level of self-esteem disappear once again. At least I have a supporter now whom I can depend on to be fair and objective as we interact through emails, texts, and occasionally by telephone. There are scholarly articles that point to the value of feedback for consumers that are in recovery programs.

Brenda Happell (writing in the International Journal of Mental Health Nursing) explains that in order for mental health services to be able to determine how effective their programs are, they need to solicit "…the views of participants" and the "views and opinions of consumers" (Happell, 2008, 123). Of course this peer-reviewed article doesn't exactly match up with my situation, because I'm not part of a focus group reporting on services I have received from a mental health agency. But as to my recovery, I believe it is progressing in a positive direction. Even though I have reassessed and reassessed my recovery, and have had setbacks, I have not been "…put on the wrong doses…that sent me backwards in my recovery…" as one participant in this article reported (Happell, 127). My doses are not with drugs; they are by my bootstraps!

Happell published an earlier article on the same theme, and I have benefitted from reading the quotes from some of the 16 patients involved in recovery program in Australia. For example, one participant explained there are self-treatments that go beyond medication and therapy. "Meditation is something you yourself will benefit from no matter what your beliefs are," the patient wrote (Happell, 118). That person said that belief in "religion" can serve as a guide through the use of prayer. I do indeed pray often for strength and guidance and as a believer, I sincerely believe God helps those that help themselves, and I'm doing that.

It seems the mental health industry is progressing from old ways to new ways in terms of working with "…people seriously affected" by mental problems; in a publication edited by Dr. Steve Buckland, Director General of the Queensland Health Department, Buckland asserts that "…the concept of recovery is embedded in the unique and personal journey of the individual." Although I am certain that Buckland is talking about people struggling with very serious mental health problems, his words also apply to me. "The common elements of each individual's experience do provide some consistent themes," he writes. I totally relate to those themes as I continue to count on my family and my support person to give me a helping hand as I recover. Buckland's themes include: "Hope; Meaning, purpose and direction; Equality and respect; Empowerment; Social inclusion and connectedness" (Buckland, 2005).

I do have hope and I have a future, plus my family and my sons give my life meaning, purpose, and direction. Now I need to feel more equal, I need to be respected (and to respect myself), and when I feel like I'm empowered sufficiently to be included and connected with the society that I live in, I will be able to say I have recovered.

There have been times when I wanted to give up thoughts of being a nurse. I work full time, take classes and raise two teenage boys while my husband works interstate and with my shyness problem and reticence to reach out to new people, I get so tired, I want to give up. Recently I related to a feature in the journal Canadian Nurse ("Tidal Waves: Implementing a New Model of Mental Health Recovery and Reclamation") which focused on holistic model of mental health nursing (Brookes, et al., 2008). The "Tidal Model" of services to consumers involves "…learning the patient's story and working in partnership…listening for problems in living, for hopes and wishes and for strengths and resources" (Brookes, 24). The article points out what my support person has been telling me: "Patients are recognized as experts in their own lives" (Brookes, 24). Indeed, I have become an expert in my own life as I recover from the terrible fear that: a) people will think I'm boring; b) I won't be able to have a meaningful conversation with someone I don't know; and c) I will never be fully conversant with others.

One of the things I have found that helps me believe that I can become a person who is not the least bit afraid to step out of my comfort zone is hearing a positive comment from a fellow worker who is not related to me. I have received positive comments from people I work with and others who have noticed that I am more talkative and I don't clam up. This fellow worker said "…You are changing -- you are talking more." I was overwhelmed that someone had noticed even a small change in my behavior. It gave me a huge shot of hope that my recovery is on track. When I told my support person that I was getting compliments on occasion from people I work with, she was very pleased. She is non-judgmental and she seems to be the ideal person to support my recovery.

I also turn to… READ MORE

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