Research Paper on "Individual and Social Societal Dimensions of Online Dating"

Research Paper 4 pages (1763 words) Sources: 0

[EXCERPT] . . . .

Online Dating: Socializing for the Unsocial

With the internet and other social media tools becoming as common as face-to-face interactions, it is no wonder that more people are turning to internet dating as a means of finding a partner. In fact, as early as 2004, there were over 40 million different profiled users to online dating service sites every month (CBC News, 2004). Among the many theorized reasons for this drastic use of technology is the ability for the less social to successfully present themselves in an otherwise anonymous and "safe" environment (Ellison, 2006). This environment has been taken advantage of, however, by many seeking online relationships. In fact, misrepresentations including age, marital status and appearance have led to some sites running background checks on their users (Lee, 2004). Misrepresentations aside, those seeking an intimate relationship quickly learn the importance of proper self-presentation in the online dating world (Laurenceau, 1998). It is apparent through data study of the years 2001 through 2010 that online dating is a useful tool for otherwise unsocial individuals because it encourages more thorough self-presentation, builds a relationship prior to a physical meeting, allows a user time to improve ones actual self through the interactions, and results in an equally long-term relationship to those that begin with a physical meeting.

Online dating allows users the freedom to present fellow users with a more thorough self-presentation than relationships that start with a physical meeting. When meeting face-to-face initially an individual with difficulty interacting and reading social cues will typically hide their actual identity in an attempt to make a good impression (Higgins, 1987). However, studies have shown that those creating their first impression online will be as thorough and honest as possible in order to ensure they receive communications from only desired candidates (Greene, 2006). It is this very need that has led to people revealing everything from disabilities to personal flaws in their online and telephonic communications with other online dating users (Greene, 2006). In fact, according to the study by Greene online dating has even made it possible for those with disabilities to meet someone and freely reveal their disability in their introduction. By feeling as though the environment is safe for accurate self-presentation, candidates avoid the so called "masks" used during ordinary social interaction thus allowing for a more stable relationship with greater acceptance on the part of both individuals. On the other hand, the vulnerability and willingness to share personal information has also led to some users taking advantage of the system by seeking out candidates with obviously needy descriptions. According to Ellison's study, some online dating users will intentionally modify their description as a means to further facilitate a certain type of match. Given the online dating mechanism's ability to cull results from a database, a few quick changes ensure optimized results. This reoccurring acceptance than further encourages greater social interaction and an even more thorough self-presentation in future online dating usage thus bringing the process full circle.

Online dating also allows unsocial users to build a relationship with another person prior to ever physically meeting them. It is well established that acceptance by others rests on the need for proper reading and reacting to social cues (Lehman, 2011). In fact, multiple studies reveal that when an individual fails to learn these social cues during childhood, it is more difficult to establish relationships later in life (Baker, 2002). An earlier study also conducted by Lehman further revealed that this inability to read visual cues is tends to be further engrained throughout adolescence through the social rejection of peers ultimately leading to severe socializing difficulty as an adult. With the absence of visual cues, online users are free to reveal more without the fear of visual nonacceptance and rejection (Ellison, 2006). This freedom and the reward of positive feedback given by others on the forum gives a user greater confidence and a feeling of acceptance. This acceptance then melds into a more relaxed behavior once the two people finally meet in-person allowing the less social individual to read and react to visual ques with an already established presumption behind the cues.

Another advantage of online dating for unsocial individuals in the ability to improve their personality and behavior through the process of interaction. In the study conducted by Ellison, Heino and Gibbs, multiple online dating users were interviewed to determine particular aspects and characteristics that they use when presenting and analyzing online information. According to their study, online dating users tended to look for specific nuances in the posted information. For instance, multiple users associated spelling errors with a lack of education. These users, in turn, would create their posts and emails in a word processing program initially so as to spell and grammar check them before posting the content online (Ellison, 2006). These individuals took a flaw that they perceived and chose to eliminate it from their personal behavior in an attempt to ensure their selected matches would have similar preferences.

Another classic example of ones willingness to change in accordance with online posting trends discovered in Ellison's study was the increase in social activities and hobbies in response to viewing multiple posts with these activities listed. One participant even reported, "I've lost 44 pounds since I've started [online dating], and I mean, that's one of the reasons I lost the weight so I can thank online dating for that. [Because] the first guy that hit on me, I checked my profile and I had lied a little bit about the pounds, so I thought I had better start losing some weight so that it would be more honest. That was in December, and I've lost every week since then." This interesting trend further facilitates in the individual's overall ability to improve their social skills and overall self-image by enabling them to both interact with others and possess common interests of pursuit with those they are seeking in the online dating forums.

Additionally, some participants in the Ellison study reported altering their behavior after multiple failed relationships also through online dating. One study participant reported, "I really analyzed the way I was going to present myself. I'm not one of these [people who write] all cutesy type things, but I wanted to be cute enough, smart enough, funny enough, and not sexual at all, because I didn't want to invite someone who thought I was going to go to bed with them [as soon as] I shook their hand." This candidate utilized the other posts to determine a socially acceptable post for herself, thus correcting some of her own behavioral problems to ensure a positive outcome.

The final advantage of online dating determined by research is that online dating relationships tend to last as long as their personal counterparts, even after a physical meeting is finally completed. In a study completed by the University of Bath, it was determined that 94% of their surveyed online dating couples saw each other again after the first physical meeting. Additionally, 18% of these relationships extended past one year (University of Bath, 2005). For those who are otherwise unsocial, a successful relationship lasting more than year may seem impossible through traditional dating methods. However, with the freedom to maintain the non-visual relationship for a longer period prior to a first meeting, many unsocial people form a strong enough bond with their desired match to allow for a deeper level of bonding by the time they finally meet in person. It is this stronger bond that then encourages further self-presentation and greater confidence upon that in-person meeting resulting in a healthy dating relationship. In fact, in the University of Bath study, 18% of those relationships was still ongoing during the publication process of the article. Interestingly enough, this study also revealed that men tended to be more motivated to commit long-term to the online relationship than women. It can be concluded that the online dating relationships these men entered into provided a form of stability otherwise unavailable in the normal dating world.

On the other hand, many participants in the Ellison study stated that their online relationships ended after the first in-person meeting. As one participant stated, "Another guy was really, like seemed so awesome on the phone, had a really fun personality, worked in TV and we had the greatest conversation. I met him in Santa Monica, where he lived, and first of all he had no personality. And I was like, 'oh my God, either it just radically changed overnight or he is only good on the phone." While some individual's who lack proper social skills are able to overcome their faults by the time of their first meeting, others are still lacking an inability to interact even after telephonic communication with others.

As can be seen by the research, online dating is providing a means for otherwise unsocial individuals to establish a meaningful dating relationship. By eliminating the fears of rejection and the difficulties of reading visual cues, unsocial individuals are able to both… READ MORE

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