Introduction on "Problems With Modern Marriage With Adult Children of Divorce"

Introduction 5 pages (1600 words) Sources: 7

[EXCERPT] . . . .

Marriage With Adult Children of Divorce

Divorce refers to the legal dissolution of a marital bond between two individuals based on a variety of reasons. The husband and wife are free from any obligations over each other following a divorce agreement. It is associated with additional issues such as the allocation of property, separation of debt obligations, decisions over the custody of a child and his or her support. (Gardner & Oswald,2005) Research conducted by Raley and Bumpass (2003) states that "The probability of divorce in the U.S. has remained constant for the last two decades at about 'half of all marriages'." The data accumulated after 1990 has recorded a significant increase in the chances of a couple getting divorced. Cohabitation has brought in an ambiguity in the family structure which has increased chances of divorce. The variations in marital relations can be studied on the basis of factors such as ethnicity, level of education and the age of the couple when they got married. There are several cultural and demographic factors which resulted in the rise in the divorce rate. These are directly linked with the marital problems faced by most families. (Ambert,2009)

The foundations of marriage had a lot to do with its religious aspect in the past. This has been steadily declining in recent years and is termed as the desacralization of marriage. It is supposed to imply a pledge before god. This has changed on to become a temporary choice based on personal opinion. Social trends have resulted in simpler divorce laws which have transformed divorce from being a stigma to a solution. Individualism has changed their priorities from performing their duties to embracing their right to be happy. Marriage is supposed to be an organization where individuals work on their fulfilling their responsibilities towards one another. It is expected to bring in the feeling of companionship along with happiness. If at any point it fails to fulfill its expectations, the spouses look for partners with whom they think they might be happier. Couples these days are not as willing to make a lot of sacrifices to make their marriages work. It also implies that women can get away from relationships in which they had to face abuse. (Ambert,2009)

It has been observed that people who are in their adolescence at the time of their marriage are more likely to have their marriages end up in divorce. Most of them are not aware of the responsibilities that a marriage implies. They have mood swings and changes in personalities as they grow older which makes it even harder for them to cope with marital issues. Married couples in their teens usually do not have a stable job or a decent education level which increases the risk for divorce. A lot of people dive into marriage based solely on their love for each other. Lack of the ability to manage finances can lead to poverty in the future. This results in additional stress as they struggle to make ends meet with their low incomes. Their focus tends to shift from their needs as a couple to their own needs. Couples break up when a rough period in their marriage demonstrates the lack of one partner to deal with it. (Ambert,2009)

Having children, before a family is mentally and financially ready to deal with it, is another factor which causes marriages to end. Young couples usually don't plan their married life and have a child without thinking of its implications. At any point, when one partner cannot take the pressure anymore, they seek the option of a divorce. A large number of individuals, who have been divorced, try to find someone and get remarried in an effort to make amends for the mistakes they committed in the past. While some cases do work, a lot of such remarriages end up in another divorce. Research conducted by Ambert (2009) in Divorce: Facts, Causes & Consequences state that "Men are more likely to divorce when there is a high proportion of unmarried women with them in the labor force and the same occurs for women who work in domains with a male preponderance." It introduces a chance to meet someone else and start an affair. (Ambert,2009)

Divorce has a lot of impact on the children exposed to the broken relationship of their parents. It increases their chances of treading in the same path as their parents. It tends to continue over generations in the form of a divorce cycle. Couples as they get divorced try to maintain their relationship as a family regardless of the fact that they are no longer married. They try to establish what is known as a "good divorce" where the children will be okay as long as they break up in good terms. This can never be true as even if it looks like everything is okay, the effects show up in the future. Research conducted by a Sociology professor from the University of Utah, Wolfinger, has revealed how the probability of divorce is twice if one spouse comes from a divorced family and thrice is both the spouses have witnessed their parents getting divorced.

Kathleen O'Connell, a PHD in her field, had studied the psychological effects on children with divorced parents and revealed the factors which affect the probability of children getting caught in the divorce cycle. The status of their interaction with their parents before the divorce, the intensity of the clashes between the parents and the way in which the parents handle their children at the time of the divorce are some of those factors. They result in variations in the extent to which those children deal with problems in their own marriages. Most of them are too young to seek out an appropriate way to respond to a divorce in the family.

(Stevenson & Wolfers,2007)

The church considers marriage as a way of establishing a relationship with Christ. It is, however aware of the increased number of broken marriages in recent years. They have recommended premarital counseling as an effective way to deal with marriage problems. "Counseling sessions focus on spiritual foundations, compatibility, sexual relations, family issues, finances, communication, conflict, and any other issues that the counselor feels necessary to address. While going through these issues, the counselor presents biblical principles that apply to the areas of counseling."(Waters, 2003).

Premarital counseling at the church is similar to a secular approach in some regards. However some people tend to avoid it unless the church makes it mandatory. There can be a few reasons which explain this behavior. They consider marriage counseling as a profession which might not produce any real benefits. There are no guarantees that a couple who went through marriage preparation will never get divorced, considering cases in the past. Some are just scared that hidden facts about their personalities might be revealed during such marriage preparation sessions. (Erlandsen & Andersson, 2001)

Marital therapy, also referred to as couples therapy involves a therapist working together with the couple to sort out their problems. Individual problems are usually related to those which occur in relationships. Therapy sessions are beneficial as it allows the partners to interact without having visitors, work or phone calls to distract them. A lot of marital issues result from misunderstandings. For instance, events such as the husband returning late from work can make the wife think of the possibility of an affair. Marital therapy allows couples to voice their concerns in private sessions and help in eliminating such thoughts. Even though marital therapy gives some hope, it is not as effective as it sounds. It tends to focus on the weaknesses and how to eliminate those from the relationship, instead of looking for their strengths. (Fincham & Beach,2009)

Traditional marriage therapy has failed in a lot… READ MORE

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