Thesis on "Confession of the Heart"

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During that drive, I felt embarrassed that my cigarette lighter had just broken and was hanging out like it had been trashed. I remember how dumb I felt when the only thing I could talk about was lobsters. I felt as if nothing went right for me that night. You, on the other hand, showed me that not only are you beautiful outside, but that you also possess an exquisite beauty that radiates from you inside - from your character and convictions. I felt completely smitten by you and your beauty that night. I felt the warmth you shared with me as you shook my hand leaving my car. I also felt totally embarrassed when I realized that I had dropped you off four houses away from your home.

The second chance to spend time with you occurred when I got to drive you to work. It concerned me to learn that you walked such a long distance to reach the bus stop to where you caught the bus to ride to work. This city is not safe for someone to be out walking alone; especially for someone as beautiful as you. That is one of the reasons I insisted you try to obtain your driver's license right away. I also wanted for you to be truly independent. Along with your driver's license, you needed your own transportation. I know you have great potential and can do anything you put your mind to. I also know you are not a quitter and knew you did not mean it when you said you were tired of school and wanted to quit. I knew you would go back. You are too perfect not to be your best. You u have the same desire to better yourself that I do. In this, we are one and the same.

When I saw your desire to be your best, I knew deep in my heart that you are the one for me. There are no doubts in my mind about this. I feel that you just need to get to know the real me. I have not dated much and have been taught that there is one person for each of us and God will bring about a way for those two people to meet and know they are meant for each other. Until I met you, I never experienced true love, although I liked the few girls I well enough.

Then I meet you and from the start - my soul began to sing. I knew I had to try my best to show you how I feel and who I really am. To do this I tried to learn Togala and began reading books on Filipino history. To spend time with you, I started to talk to you about getting a good deal on a PC when I really wanted a laptop computer. I just wanted an excuse to talk to you.

I still remember the first time you called me and I heard your voice on the phone. I was in a lecture class at ITT in Sylmar when the phone rang. As soon as I realized it was you, I ran out of the class, down the hall, and into the parking lot to get a good signal. I was out of breath, but we had such a wonderful conversation that I never wanted our time on the phone to end. I often hated it that we have not been able to talk like that again until recently.

I want to explain some of my behavior that may have confused you or made you think I was a bad person. When I wanted to get to know you better, I started reading dating books; hoping to learn how to show you my feelings for you. The advice those books gave me caused me to come across as something I am not. One book said I should compliment you in a sexual manner to get out of the friend zone. When I told you your voice was sexy, I feel it set the wrong tone about my true intentions. Your voice is sexy but I meant that with the purest of intentions.

Next, the book said to tease and joke with you to make it more interesting. This effort also failed miserably because you were sick the day I tried to be humorous. That's why I wrote you the letter of apology. I wanted to run and hide, but you are too precious to stay away from, so I had to face the shame.

To make up for my mistakes, I wanted to buy you a sentimental gift, one from the heart. Since you are the special one I love, I did not want to come off reflecting the wrong intentions. With great thought, I bought you a Bonsai tree of the Filipino national flower.

At this time, you told me you were afraid of me. Nevertheless, to make sure you received your laptop, even after finding out I could not get you the same deal, I paid the difference and never told you. Strange, at the same time, due to my feelings, I was terrified of you. Your expression of fear made me even more afraid. I began to stay away from you and was never going to call you again because I did not want you to feel or be uncomfortable with me. I am in love with you to that extent. I have hated myself for messing up everything when I was only trying to show you how I felt about you. My only hope was that if God meant for us to be together; He would find a way to make it happen.

In my despair, I began seeing Elizabeth. She was the first girl to show any interest in me and I started talking to her before I went to Arizona for Christmas with my grandparents. I was playing a game with my cousin's little girl, Kaida, when I got your text saying "Merry Christmas." I was so excited I jumped out of my chair and ran outside to get a good signal. Not wanting to give you the wrong impression of me again, I texted you back the same "Merry Christmas," when I really wanted talk to you more. I waited and waited for a response until Kaida came to get me to take my turn at our game.

I heard from you a few more times. Once you let me know your new number and then I received your text about you getting your driver's license. Since it was the same day I had broken up with Elizabeth, I was convinced it was a sign we were to get together. I wanted to ask you out to celebrate but instead, I just texted you to congratulate you. If you had answered me, I planned to finally ask you out. When the phone rang, instead of you phoning, it was Elizabeth calling me to talk. She… READ MORE