Term Paper on "Communication and Gender"

Term Paper 9 pages (3692 words) Sources: 1+

[EXCERPT] . . . .

Gender & Communication

An Observation of Public Gender Interactions

Over the 4th of July weekend I went with my family to our summer home on the lake in a wooded area. The community there has only about 150 locals who stay year round, but in the summer about 1500 summer residents. The night after we arrived, we went to a little country bar that was built in the 1940s from a Sears-Roebuck kit, set in the woods on a small lake. The inside is knotty pine, dimly lit, and cozy. Three walls are covered with a collection of antique license plates. A sign over the door says "You don't need to talk about yourself -- we'll do that for you after you leave." The fourth wall has windows looking out to the lake and old cast iron traps and snow gear hanging from the ceiling. A juke box fills one corner and features old country music like Patsy Cline and Conrad Twitty songs. Next to it is a stuffed bob cat in a glass case. Along the front wall an antique shuffle board stretches the length of the room.

My attention was drawn to two couples I'll call Caroline and Paul, and Roseanne and Doug. They are older people, locals, about the same age as my grandparents. I chose them to observe because I thought they would be more likely to enact traditional gender communication styles and because it looked like they were going to spend the whole evening there together, so I could observe them over a period of hours. Neither couple was drinking alcohol, so I thought that was an advantage as far as seeing them in a natural state. Although they didn't stay as long as I thought they would, they were still a good choice because the men decided to play shuffleboard, and I got to see them communicate with each other. The women decided to have a game of Yahtzee so I was able to watch them as they communicated with each other. Afterwards, the men joined the women and that was interesting to observe as well.

A noted that the men talked only about the game they were playing. They were very absorbed in winning. Paul said, "Take that! Now I gotcha." Doug responded with "Don't get your hopes up. I'm not dead yet." When they "missed," they made excuses for why the puck didn't go where they wanted -- the board was faster than usual, or there was a sticky spot on one end. Men don't like to be seen as weak, even in a game, so they find reasons outside of themselves when things don't go well. They spoke rather loudly (the whole length of the shuffleboard was often between them), and they gestured with their arms when they spoke. Both men stood "at ease" with legs far apart as they waited for the other to play, thus taking up more space than a woman would.

Meanwhile, the women played Yahtzee at the table and talked quietly -- except when one of them rolled a yahtzee (five dice all the same number). When this happened, they sang out, "Yahtzee! Yahtzee, yahtsee, yahtsee!" The second part was sung in a sing-song like "Na-na-nah-na-na-na..." that kids sing when they tease other kids. When this occurred, Doug would call out, "Now, now...don't get too loud." Women are not supposed to be loud (but it was all right for the men). In general, Caroline and Roseanne were not interested in the game they played. It seemed to me that the game was just an excuse to talk and socialize with each other, and they didn't care who won. They wanted to maintain and strengthen their relationship.

They had barely started their game when Roseanne said, "I'm upset today." Caroline immediately put down the dice she had been rolling and made eye contact with Roseanne. Roseanne said her son Sean had left his wife and come home to live. Caroline said, "Oh, my. What happened?" As the story unfolded, Caroline asked astute questions. Sean's wife, it seems, has a teenage daughter named Brandy who resents Sean. When Sean told Brandy to turn her music down, she called him an *****ing *****. This was in front of her friends. He took hold of her wrist and told her that was no way to talk. Brandy then went to her mother and reported that Sean had hit her. The mother believed the daughter, got very angry, and knocked Sean down the stairs. Then, she called the police and got a restraining order against Sean. He had to leave. He moved home with his mother for at least six months. Roseanne described Sean's bruises from being pushed down the stairs. The two women agreed that Sean, with no history of violent behavior, isn't the type to hit a woman. Caroline said if a fifteen-year-old girl called her that name, she'd "smack her one." Roseanne brightened up, "It'd be worth it to sit in jail for a few days, just for the chance to knock that little ***** on her ass."

Throughout this exchange the women maintained eye contact. Caroline leaned forward, listened, asked questions, and made supportive remarks. They kept their voices low. It was like a classic example of feminine communication style aimed at intimacy and connection, what Tannen (1990) describes as "where individuals negotiate complex networks of friendship, minimize differences, try to reach consensus, and avoid the appearance of superiority, which would highlight differences" "p. 26) the women talked face-to-face about something personal and important to them and expressed their feelings to each other. Afterwards, Roseanne appeared to feel better. She and Caroline resumed the game but continued to mull over whether or not the wife had been happy before this incident with her daughter occurred. Of course, Doug did not mention the event to Paul. It would violate masculine communication style if he mentioned a family problem with emotional overtones and no real solution. It would make him appear vulnerable.

The two men finished their game, returned to the table, and sat side by side. Caroline asked who had won. Doug said he won. The two men then discussed some of the details of the game, what went wrong, and the turning point. They did not make eye contact because of the way they were seated. The women did not mention what they had been talking about. Doug asked who had won Yahtzee, but the women didn't know. They consulted their score cards, and Roseanne had won. Then Paul told Doug about a mechanical problem he'd had with his lawn mower and how he finally solved it by modifying a part to make it work. This story was typical of masculine communication style in which men are obligated to show themselves as competent problem-solvers and men of action. Roseanne then announced that she had to get up at 5:30 the next morning to go to work at the hospital. Doug said to Paul, "Well, time to go. Gotta keep these girls bringing in the money." He rubbed his thumb against his three fingers in a gesture of "feeling" money. He said it like he was joking, but also like it was his idea for her to work. He pretends it's his idea for her to work. It implies he has control. He also used the word girls which made Roseanne smaller somehow. Roseanne looked annoyed and made a face to Caroline who nodded slightly like she understood how Roseanne felt. I think a younger man might feel the need, but in Doug's "day," the man was expected to be the bread winner, and women were supposed to stay home. The comment also reflects framing as discussed in Tannen (1997): "Sociologist Erving Goffman uses the term alignment... If you put me down, you are taking a superior alignment with respect to me" (p. 33). Doug frames himself as master of his household and a superior bread winner.

Masculine and feminine communication styles were very clearly seen in this exchange as well as gender-specific roles. The women couldn't decide it was time to go home -- it had to be the men's idea. The man is supposed to be the leader and head of the family and show decisiveness. Both their verbal and non-verbal communication supported this. Women "make suggestions." When Roseanne said she had to get up at 5:30 in the morning for work, she was suggesting that Doug decide to go home. Thus, women contribute to their own subservience. it's hard to break old habits, especially when they involve basic socialization learned in childhood and still sanctioned by society.

Why I Broke Up with Philip (Relational Communication) met Philip at a party, and we hit it off right away. He told me he was a librarian, and it turned out we had read a lot of the same books. He liked to talk, and he didn't have to be center stage. You could have a conversation with… READ MORE

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