Thesis on "Gays and Lesbians Intimate Relation"

Thesis 6 pages (1618 words) Sources: 0 Style: APA

[EXCERPT] . . . .

Gay/Lesbian Studies - Intimacy

INTIMACY ISSUES IN GAY AND STRAIGHT RELATIONSHIPS

What are the similarities and differences in men's and women's mate preferences. In heterosexual, gay, lesbian and bisexual relations.

Generally, women are more likely to respond to behavioral qualities whereas men are more likely to emphasize physical attraction in their preferences of partners.

Therefore, lesbians form romantic interests and relationships-based less on sexual appeal alone. Since homosexual men often mirror elements of heterosexual males in relation to their preoccupation with external appeal, they are more likely to form superficial sexual relationships. This is simply a function of the fact that the opportunity to do so is more available when both potential partners share the more "typical" male pattern of sexual interest.

Heterosexual women often also exhibit a significant different preference for qualities in males depending on whether or not they are interested in finding a life mate at any particular time, although females are also more likely to restrict their interest in men to those with some potential as long-term partners. However, where women are "in the market" for shot-term or superficial relationships, they tend to prefer highly masculine, dominant, "Alpha" male types; but when women are "in the market" for a long-term partner, they tend to prefer more androgynous qualities, such as sensitivity, emotional availability, and other behavioral indications that their choice of potential partners are suited to long-term reliability, sustenance, fidelity, and parenthood.

2. How do men and women view the relation of sex to love?

Generally, both men and women usually desire love in the long run. The primary difference between them is that women are socialized to associated sex as more appropriate within emotionally intimate relationships. There are likely also certain evolutionary biological factors that account for greater interest among males in pursuing numerous sexual partners without needing more than physical attraction as motivation.

Females are actually capable of more sexual pleasure than men on a biological level, but they are much less likely to respond sexually without some emotional component to the relationship.

Males are much more likely to maintain a "recreational" attitude toward sexual relations and to initiate (and pursue) sexual relations completely outside of any more substantial interest in the other person. Females sometimes engage in recreational sex, but far more often, they generally refrain from acting on sexual impulses where they occur without more of a connection. Likewise, where women do engage in purely recreational sexual activity, it is much more often facilitated by alcohol because if its relaxing effect on normal inhibitions.

3. Why do women demand and men withdraw?

They don't really; that is more of a perception arising from their communication styles. Women are more likely to express their concerns and seek to resolve them through verbal communication. At the same time, women are socialized and more naturally inclined to avoid direct confrontation in general. Men, on the other hand, are both socialized to respond directly to issues and socialized not to shy away from conflict.

Therefore, women often broach the topic of concerns in relationships indirectly rather than directly. Often, by the time men recognize their concerns, their female partners have already lost patience with the issue because they have been hinting about it for days.

Another factor is that all of us tend unconsciously to repeat family of origin dynamics in our intimate relationships. Men often select female partners who treat them the same way their mother's did. On a more conscious level, nobody really wants to be nagged. Men respond to the nagging they trigger unconsciously in much the same way they did as children: they ignore their wives' complaints just as they ignored their mothers'.

4. In gay or lesbian relation, although the sex are the same they still have different gender roles in the relation, compare the differences and similarities of these roles with a heterosexual relation.

To the extent that is true, heterosexual couples generally feature a more dominant male who makes major decisions in their lives and takes on the more dominant role within sexual relations. Homosexual couples sometimes feature no specific pattern in that regard at all, merely relating to each other in terms of personal preferences and tendencies. In many cases, both males and both females share similar roles with less differentiation than commonly seen among heterosexual couples.

However, where different patterns do exists they tend to be that lesbians couples feature one partner who takes on a more dominant role (including within sexual relations) while the other adopts a more passive role, similar to that which characterizes female roles in typical heterosexual relationships. Likewise, many homosexual males also gravitate toward one or the other behavioral pattern corresponding to the traditional "male" and "female" sex roles. In lesbian relationships, couples may refer to each other as the "husband" or "wife"; among male homosexuals, the terms "top" and "bottom" are often used, based on their respective primary sexual roles.

5. Knowing what you do about a gender roles in a relationships, how would you predict that gay men's relationships would differ from lesbians' relationships?

Generally, males retain a greater interest in sex than females, both within and outside emotionally intimate relationships. While exceptions exist on both sides, lesbian couples often settle into long-term intimate relationships where actual sex is de- emphasized, sometimes occurring only relatively infrequently. Because (all) males are more likely to retain a greater interest in sex, homosexual relationships involving males are more likely than lesbian relationships to feature high levels of continuing sexuality.

Likewise, (all) males generally retain greater sexual interest in other people even when in emotionally intimate relationships. Although homosexual men are not necessarily better equipped to deal with issues of jealousy (or mutual consideration) than anybody else, they are more likely than lesbian couples or heterosexual couples to incorporate some form of sexual openness into their relationships.

6. In many gay or lesbian communities bisexualism is not accepted and almost discriminated, why?

That is likely a function of a defensive reaction to the way that mainstream society subjects gay people to discrimination and social criticism. If all forms of sexuality were equally accepted in society without conflict or negative associations, it is doubtful that homosexual communities would have any concern with anybody' degree of bisexuality. Since coming out is frequently such a socially charged issue, many people who are predominantly homosexual resist their natural tendencies and try to become more like everybody else.

It is possible that many homosexuals who experienced that now project those conflicts onto genuinely bisexual individuals and assume that there is no such thing as bisexuality, simply because in their cases, bisexuality was nothing more than an expression of uncertainty. In fact, people exist at every possible point along the spectrum of exclusive heterosexuality and exclusive homosexuality and prejudice against someone closer to the middle than either polar end is no different from discrimination against people at the ends.

7. What kinds of problems might be unique to homosexual couples? Heterosexual couples?

Homosexual couples never have to respond to social pressures and assumptions from perfect strangers leading them to ask "So when are you two getting married?" Or "When are you two having children?" On the other hand, when heterosexual couples choose to get married or to become parents, nobody objects or responds with pejorative challenges. Naturally, only heterosexual couples ever face the problem of failure to conceive naturally. Heterosexual couples do not generally have to worry about the attitudes or beliefs of their neighbors, or for that matter, their own families toward their choice of intimate partner. Racially mixed heterosexual couples sometimes face similar issues, but otherwise, that is unique to homosexual couples.

8. If the majority of men held male gender role and women held female gender role, regardless of sexual orientation, describe the nature of lesbian, gay,… READ MORE

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