Term Paper on "Building Self-Esteem"

Term Paper 4 pages (1660 words) Sources: 1+

[EXCERPT] . . . .

Building Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is one of the catch phrases of the past few decades regarding child development and healthy parenting. The most basic definition of having good or positive self-esteem is having "good feelings" about one's self. In regards to young children, self-esteem usually also "refers to the extent to which they expect to be accepted and valued by the adults and peers who are important to them." (Katz) Children who have healthy self-esteem will feel important and loved. They will believe that they are accepted as they are by the adults in their lives, such as parents, and also by important peers. They will also be able to trust that these people would not want them to go away or have anything bad happen to them, and that in fact they will believe that people would do things to prevent harm from coming to them.

Children with low self-esteem may feel unloved and unaccepted, and may feel that no one cares about them and that no one would go out of their way to protect them.

It is necessary for children to have high self-esteem in order for them to develop into healthy adolescents and adults. In fact, some theorists claim that self-esteem lies at the base of all of our society's problems. Parents are a vital part of the development of the young child's self-esteem, and it is important that they keep this in mind with their child, especially when the child's groundwork for healthy self-esteem is developing from infancy to the age of five. "Parents can play an important role in strengthening children's self-esteem by treating them respectfully, taking their views and opinions seriously, and expressing appreciation to them. Above all, parents must keep in mind that self-esteem is an important part of every child's development." (Katz)

It is important that parents begin focusing on developing their child's self-esteem as early as possible because it is much better -- and more successful-- to start a child off with a healthy sense of self, rather than ignoring this need at first and then dealing with it later. "Fostering self-esteem in a child from the outset is easier and healthier than trying to repair a negative self-concept later in life." (Hart) the very basics of self-esteem start while the child is still an infant, and some speculate even before birth in the womb. Infants develop attachments with those who care for them, and the development of self-esteem is based on these attachments. Babies learn to feel safe, loved, and important when their caretakers respond quickly if they begin to cry or show signs of being in need, as well as when others respond to their smiles and laughter with positivity. As they grow older, if they are loved and accepted by those caregivers, then they will feel that way, and they will begin to trust others to provide them with the things they need, developing a sense of worthiness. When the child begins to try new things on his or her own as they enter the preschool years, their sense of self-worth begins to develop more, and it is important that parents find ways to be involved, supportive, responsive, and respectful of the child's growth, exploration, and development. It is important that the child not only feels safe right from the beginning, but also that he or she feels like a part of the group, whether that be the family or larger social or cultural group, in which he or she belongs. "When toddlers become preschoolers, for example, they are expected to control their impulses and adopt the rules of the family and community in which they are growing. Successfully adjusting to these groups helps to strengthen feelings of belonging to them." (Katz) a parent's goal must not be to ensure that a child feels perfect about his or herself at every single moment, because this is an impossible task, but to help the child develop pride, self-respect, and the ability to handle life's challenges and bounce back from failures.

Parents have the unique opportunity to begin teaching healthy self-esteem from the very beginning of the child's life. "Whether we know it or not, we are "teaching" self-esteem -- or a lack of it -- to our children all the time. For the most part, children look to the adults in their environment, and later to their peers, for a reflection of who they are and how they are." (Hart) Children must feel loved first and foremost. Children will pick up on a parent's nonverbal language, not just what they say, to draw conclusions about how loved they are. Parents must make the decision to provide a good example for their children at all times and to pass on healthy values. A good starting place for parents is to learn from their past, and to honestly evaluate their own childhoods. Repeating the mistakes of one's parents will not help a child, while learning from them and utilizing the positive parenting examples of the generations past will help a great deal. "Remember what it was like growing up in your family. What did your parents do to make you feel loved? How did they discipline you? How did they communicate and resolve problems with you and with each other? What helped to feel good about yourself, and what led you to conclude that you were "bad," that there was something wrong with you?" (Hart) These are important questions for parents to consider when developing their parenting style. Parents must find ways of focusing on positive things with their children, by speaking and thinking positively, and looking for the good things instead of the bad things at home and in life.

Self-esteem can only develop out of love. A child must feel loved by others as well as know how to love him or herself in order to have good feelings. Parents must be able to show their children that they love them unconditionally, and that nothing will ever make this stop. Children need to be shown love through cuddling and other physical signs of affection, through words, and through other actions. It is important for the parents to also love themselves, because having a sense of self-worth and respect for one's self will affect the children. It will both set a good example as well as enable the parent to handle situations well. "A large part of self-esteem comes from feeling that we deserve to be happy, to have fun, to enjoy life, to do the things we want to do. Many times we unwittingly provide low self-esteem models to our children by rationalizing that we no longer have the time or money to do nice things for ourselves." (Hart) Parents must find enjoyment in life, and find ways to share that enjoyment with their children. Even infants will pick up on the love in the home. It is vital that parents never make the child feel unloved, and when disciplining the child it must be the behavior that is called "bad," not the child.

Being actively involved with children is an important way to build self-esteem. Starting from the very beginning, parents can be involved in the children's play. "Play brings a special closeness to family relations, and when you or your children are feeling out of sorts, laughter can be the best medicine." (Hart) Instead of just supervising while the child is playing make-believe or bike-riding, parents can actually play with their children. This is fun for both the parents and the children, and it builds important bonds that will help the child to feel important and respected by adults. If the child feels that his or her daily activities are important to his or her parents, the child will extend that to feeling important. Likewise, children benefit… READ MORE

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