Essay on "Using Christian Values to Be a Better Spouse"

Essay 10 pages (3643 words) Sources: 5

[EXCERPT] . . . .

5:7) refers to those who follow Christ's example of showing mercy to sinners. This is an important beatitude to remember for any husband because it strikes at the heart of what Christ is about. Christ is the personification of Mercy. He is merciful to all, and so too should the husband be to his wife. It is "mercy" that truly helps us to understand and imitate Christ. As Leon Morris notes, "Luke sees [His] divine purpose as intimately bound up with the love and the mercy of God."[footnoteRef:5] So too should my role as spouse be bound up with the same love, mercy and consideration for my wife. [4: John MacArthur, How to Study the Bible (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2009), 62.] [5: Leon Morris, Jesus is Christ: Studies in the Theology of John (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans Publishing, 1989), 16.]

We shall reap what we sow, says Scripture; therefore, if we would like mercy from God, it is only just that we show mercy to our fellow men. There are both corporal and spiritual works of mercy that a Christian can practice. One can feed the hungry as well as pray for souls and make sacrifices for them. The merciful will be judged favorably on the last day, says Christ, for in every poor, in every sinner, the merciful Christians sees His God, sees Christ in his neighbor. Therefore, Our Lord promises to say on the day of judgment: "Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you too Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me" (Matt. 25:34-36). Truly, these are words Christ wants us to keep in our hearts, and if I have them in my heart, they will find expression in the consideration I show to my wife, just as Christ expressed these words in his consideration for his followers, all of whom were in need of mercy.

So this is an important example that Christ gives to us, which I can imitate. "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you" (John 15:12). Christ tells all of us, not just those who present at the time that He spoke, to be patient, kind, strong, faithful -- just as He has been. He also does more and we should pay attention to this next part: He calls us to embrace this love as though it were our mission, should we choose to accept it: this mission is to be willing to die for another, just as Christ dies for sinners on the cross. This death of Self is the truest expression of divine love: "Greater love than this no one has, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do the things I command you" (John 15:13-14). Notice the qualification: we are friends of Christ if we follow His commandments. This means we must love -- we have an obligation to do so. It is not just my will that I am following but God's will -- and that is important to keep in mind as well. And what Christ means here is clearly that His crucifixion is no different from our following of His commandments: both are a negation of wills. Now we must serve a higher will -- yet, Christ elevates the servant by uniting him to the master: "No longer do I call you servants, because the servant does not know what his master does. But I have called you friends, because all things that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you" (John 15:15). So too can I as husband view my wife as a friend, because Christ views us as His friends. Plus, by revealing Himself, Christ unites Himself to us. Indeed, He makes this very clear when next He says, "You have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and have appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain…These things I command you, that you may love one another" (John 15:16-17). Christ has chosen his disciples and united Himself to them so that they may in turn unite themselves to the faithful and love others the way that Christ has Himself loved them. So too have I chosen my wife and united myself to her so that we may know one another's love and God's love through our union.[footnoteRef:6] While I may serve my wife and her needs, we are united by our bond, which is like that of the Son of God Who is united to the will of His Father in Heaven. All three of us are thus united when we follow this course of action. [6: Fulton Sheen, Three to Get Married (NJ: Scepter Publishing, 1951), 36.]

The next step in my 30-day plan to be a more considerate husband by imitating Christ is to try to better understand how Christ has authorized the teachings that have been handed down from His day to us, who can benefit from them. St. Paul's appeal to orthodoxy, for example, plays a major role in establishing in our minds our duty as husbands. He does so with the very first verse of his letter to the Ephesians directed explicitly to men: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word; in order that he might present to himself the Church in all her glory, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she might be holy and without blemish" (Eph 5:25-27). In these three verses are found the whole of the justification for St. Paul's command to husbands -- and, as has just been stated, that justification is grounded in orthodoxy, the doctrine of the Church as preached by the Apostles. The way that Christ makes His church beautiful is the way that the husband should make his wife beautiful. In this sense I can think of my consideration for my wife not so much as a duty (it is that) but rather as an act of beautification (which has a more positive and transcendental tone to it). I can view my consideration for my wife not as a labor but rather as a labor of love -- one which is rewarding rather than difficult. This is an amazing way to view the duty I have towards my wife -- and this perspective comes only after sufficient dwelling upon the orthodoxy which Christ has left for us to follow.

A closer examination of these three verses from St. Paul's teaching reveals the extent of the husband's mission to beautify his wife (and it is indicative of St. Paul's understanding of man's nature that the command may be taken in fact as a "mission"). First, the husband must be Christ-like in his love for his wife. This means that his love cannot be sentimental but, on the contrary, deep and principled. The highlighting of deepness and principles is one that justifies our sense that our faith is based on reason (and men love nothing more than to be reasonable). Paul also links our faith to sacrifice and love by noting that a man's love for his spouse should be sacrificial (Eph 5:25), since Christ "gave himself up" for His Church (of whom the wife is a symbol). Thus, Paul makes the Faith real and gives it a concrete formulation that applies to real world setting: husbands and wives must not keep their faith only as an intellectual heirloom but they must live it in their daily lives, sacrificing themselves for the other and for their children just as Christ laid down His life for His children. The objective of the letter is clear: the husband must give himself up for the wife not so that she may rule over him but so that he may "make her holy" through his example of self-sacrifice, which in turn acts as a kind of baptism ("cleansing her by the washing with water through the word") and draws her into the mystery of the Redemption. Thus, the best way to save one's soul as a husband (and to help the wife to save her soul) is to take part in this act of Redemption by following the orthodoxy of Christ. It is clear that St. Paul gives the man an extraordinary mission, illustrating both the reality (Christ) of the mission and its goal (sanctification). St. Paul's subsequent appeal to common sense ("After all, no one ever hated their own body") is a further attempt to encourage the husband in his mission of loving self-sacrifice. It is also a… READ MORE

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