Book Report on "Advice Book. "

Book Report 5 pages (2049 words) Sources: 2

[EXCERPT] . . . .

advice book. This advice book should be about dating, relationships, marriage, sex, etc. The first two pages should give an overview of your book, main points/topics discussed/etc.; the last half of your paper should focus on addressing stereotypes associated with men and/or women, assumptions made about men and/or women and relationships; gender role expectations and/or sexual scripts. What assumptions about sexuality are made? Are there gendered expectations? What is the author assuming about its audience and their sexual orientation?

The book that I am using is the "Complete Idiot's Guide to Dating." As per its title, it offers comprehensive advice for the man or woman who wishes to date successfully. Advice includes successful dating into the cybercasting world; best places to meet Mr. Right, including concerts, museums, sporting events, amusement parks, and other venues; the "secrets of attraction; and creative ideas on how to conduct that first date.

The author, Dr. Judy Kuriansky, promotes herself as a clinical psychologist, a sex therapist, a dating expert, and a media personality. She has published various books on love, dating, and healthy relationships and writes that she has her own call-in-show where she "answers questions from millions of callers about love, relationships, and dating" (back cover)

The book proceeds in an organized manner: the author talks about dating in the new century and about all the options open to us including the "hottest new trend": cyber dating. She goes on to tell us how we can put the best foot forward and develop form shy to social butterfly. She presents us with some ice openers and leads us gently into the art of flirting. Some are afraid that the first date will be the last, and so the author shows us how to get a second date after that first one and how to deal with sensitive money matters (and other sensitive issues) that may arise.

How do we know that this is the right one (or Mr. Right)?

A good question -- and the author provide us with certain diagnostics that include a quiz "to test your personality style and that of your dates" or to learn how to get on the same wavelength. (Can you force that?). She provides another quiz with assessing your and his communication style, and she helps us through dating disasters and dilemmas as, for instance when he fails to call. She also helps us understand the possible different behaviors that we may encounter and advises us to take a break out when we need to.

Calling her a love wizard, Dr. Judy bounces into a philosophical discourse about love. What is this thing called love? Is it true love or just lust? Can love at first sight last? How do we know that this is true love and how can we trust it?

Both men and women have "cold feet": a fear of commitment. Here's how -- according to Dr. Judy -- we can turn our fears into openness, intimacy, and commitment. Arguments and jealousy can sabotage any relationship. She proceeds to give us advice about how to "slay that green-eyed monster." She also advises us to clarify our intentions and expectations about sex, to be assertive in order to prevent disaster and date rape and to follow certain prescriptions in order to make wise choices.

Finally, the all-knowing, wise Dr. Judy provides us with a chapter that will no doubt be consulted time and again by the majority of her readers, namely how to handle rejection. Most of those in the dating ring will be bludgeoned with rejection time and again. We may feel our heart eaten out. The last chapter tells the reader how to let go and get on with life with the minimum of pain. It also tells the reader how to end the relationship when need be. Age, insists Dr. Judy, is no problem. You can date and marry regardless of age. She ends the book with providing advice about how to stay in the game no matter how old you are.

If ever a dating book has covered each and every niche, this book certainly seems to fill that condition. Dating is a normal part of life. For almost all of us, it is just as normal and natural as our first steps in learning how to crawl or our last steps ion learning how to die. The problem may be, however, that Dr. Judy may make this so complex that some readers may be taken up in reviewing chapters of the book time and again in order to learn how to practice the game that they may be afraid of ever starting or may be so caught up in an anxious reflection on their performance that they may unintentionally, or subconsciously, fail. Were Dr. Judy to write a book on teaching people how to crawl or how to die, she may have the same impact. Personally, I find the book to be anxiety-provoking and one that may diminish any potential anticipation I may feel for any possible dating game. These are the concepts I would have to work through prior to and during the game in order to ensure that I succeed:

I would need to identify my own type; I would need to write a movie about my dating life. The dating alternative sound fun - personal ads; answering ads; video dating; matchmakers; and dating call lines range amongst the classics. Newbies include speed dating; rotate at dinner dating; TV dating shows; and cyber dating. I would need to amass enormous gumption to approach them. I would need to prepare myself so other love me, and Dr. Judy gives me various exercise here including exercises for self-esteem, ghostbusting my past; body boosting exercises; and shyness dumping exercises. In some parts of the book, Dr. Judy is great. The advice on giving you a break is sorely needed as well as suggestion on how to deal with rejection. Moreover, some are starved for love and have some other relationship fears and shortfalls that may easily sabotage their relationships. It is good that Dry Judy points this out. In short, however, Dr. Judy errs by generalizing. Some may need a psychologist rather than herself. The book may help some readers; it may harm others.

Part II What is the author assuming about its audience and their sexual orientation?

Dr Judy's assumptions are evident. She is addressing western, heterogeneous 'straight' reader. No gays are involved here, nor is the reader likely to be someone who has religious concerns or one who comes from a culture where there are inhibitions about dating and where it is the man, let's say, who should take the lead rather than the woman.

The problem with all of this -- and more on this later -- is that it seems to me that Dr. Judy is turning us into an artificial Stepford type man or woman where the reader is being automatized into a stereotypical 'perfect' man or woman - but perfect by Dr. Judy's Western standards. She also seems to cater to a certain culture. For instance, Dr. Judy tells us how to flirt and advises us not to feel shame. There are many cultures -- not necessarily religious -- that may well be put off by Dr. Judy's advice and certain of her readers, following this advice, may well lose all their dates for now and forever by following her categorical recommendations. In some cultures, it is the man not the woman who has to ask. Dr. Judy forgets this. She is also too easy in her labeling others (Chapter 19), and too general in her definition of love (Part 5).

Although Dr. Judy does tell us that men and women are not such different planets (chapter 17), I find much of her book stereotypical. Not all women, for instance, like to flirt (as Dr. Judy seems to think it to be the case), and, oftentimes, a date may progress far better if either side were more honest, genuine, and themselves. Believe it or not (and contrary to Dr. Judy's say-so), a date may be more successful if the woman were shy (and inevitably it seems to be the woman) than if she were to make a pretense of not being so. There is nothing wrong with shyness. This is simply a Western myth. Similarly too with low self-esteem: if the goal were to date for a loyal and permanent relationship, high self-esteem may veer into arrogance and be destructive.

Interestingly enough too, is that the examples of people experiencing panic and anxiety are more frequently than not females rather than males. It is the females who feel shaky and have the 'jitter bugs'. (e.g. 106).

It is the females too who are given the advice about how to flirt -- and I find the suggestion of flirting contrived, phony, and manipulative. Dr. Judy concludes that if we (i.e. frequnelty the famel) fail at the gaem, it may be cbecuase she is… READ MORE

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